Masking Poor Communication

Have you noticed how often times people in relationships exalt how much they know their significant other. When in truth they do not. Living more on the illusion, than the reality. Enjoy this blog and feel free to post your comments.

Masking Poor Communication

Can you live with someone and know less than a stranger about them? Yes, you can. The mare fact of two people being married, one would assume and think that they are right if it was said that the two should know each other very well. Unfortunately, that is not the case. There is a new reality taking place with married couples today that is being called, “closeness-communication bias,” by Boaz Keysar, because people are assuming that because they are closer than strangers they know a great deal about their spouse, they are in fact embellishing, because they really do not know their spouse as well as they may think (U.S. News, 2011). Comparing myself with the article and dealing with masking poor communication, it is a tale of two, two different people within me, past and the present. The past I was in a marriage that there was major miscommunication because we thought that we knew each other so well, and the outcome ended negative or positive depending on who’s perspective and finally the present in a marriage now that at times face miscommunication because of knowledge of each other, but the handling of those situations are far different from past handlings.

My first marriage we thought that we knew each other, but in fact we did not which caused for many disagreements and poor communication. Before we married we dated for a few years and was engaged for a year and within that time we talked about our hopes, dreams, aspirations, and goals for our life, what we liked and disliked, she became my best friend. Even when preparing for the wedding we went to the whole counseling with the church. But still, apparently we fail under the illusion of understanding, instead of actual understanding (U.S. News, 2011). Because we became close we started thinking that we knew each other deeper than we really did. Although I feel that, that is a part of the crux of the matter, I have come to learn that a lot of times people live in an illusion of what they want in hopes of bettering their lives or rescuing them from the dysfunction that they had been raised around and that plays apart also, of one not fully listening to what the reality that other person is expressing. Thus, when the illusion wears off and the reality has set in there is an insurmountable divide in communication that has past the point of reconnecting.

Furthermore, because of such poor communication and constant mental and emotional draining I decided that it was time for us to move forward without each other. It was not an overnight decision as if once things were going bad we did not try and fix it. It was a sixteen year marriage that had not been working for years for one reason or another. One thing I did come to know is that the marriage was not a healthy marriage, I never felt respected, happy, or even free to be myself without harsh judgment and criticism (Johnson, 2011). And it was during a conversation, one of our disagreements of how I was handling things, and the words came from me as if it was an overnight, out of the blue decision, I asked for a divorce. I did not ask for nor did I want anything but to be free. Although we have learned to be peaceful with each other and raise our son in a good joint effort and I have had ups and downs but has never regretted that decision to regain my identity back.

Lastly, I come to my present marriage and although at times there are miscommunications, the handling of them, are done totally different. I believe that when emotions are beginning to override logic and reason, I have learned to humble myself enough to say, “let us agree to disagree and move on, until we can talk on this subject more peaceful.” We both feed each other’s spirit, mental, and emotional state in a positive manner (Johnson, 2011). Our love is a balance love, we are trying to grow everyday still individually and together. We have our rough moments, but we attempt to look at the other’s person point of view so as to try and understand why one maybe thinking, feeling, or saying what the other is going through. That does not mean that I have to agree, but it allows for continue openness for effective communication and also, to be able to receive that love and understanding that we say that we know and have for each other.

Growing from the past while being in a marriage where there was constant miscommunication, that caused stress, closed lines, and unhealthiness in mental and spiritual state, I did learn to take the positive from that marriage although it ended. Which is of great assistance with how I maintain open lines of communication, continuous building of each other in my present marriage that is not always stress free, but in the daily dealings of life with one another we are able to seize the stress and work it out in a loving and understanding manner towards each other. It does help also, that I know who I am in life.

Reference

Close relationships sometimes mask poor communication. (2011, 01). U.S.News & World Report,Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/852775455?accountid=32521

Johnson, T. D. (2011). Healthy relationships lead to better lives. The Nation's Health, 41(2), 20. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/856903566?accountid=32521

Sole, K. (2011).Making connections: Understanding interpersonal communication. San Diego, CA. Bridgepoint Education, Inc.